Why

I have an old WordPress account which tackles more about spirituality and college experiences. It was doing good because I’m always updating blog posts full of inspirational words that I knew comes from my heart. It doesn’t have a lot of followers but knowing there are few people who got inspired with every post, it’s more than enough for me so I pushed through with it. Writing was an outlet I discovered way back college and I felt like I was good with it during that time. All the words left unsaid became an entry and it was always flooded with thoughts and emotions. Writing was a healing escape. Writing was a new found skill. Until life happens.

You know when the universe is trying to test your soul and character but because you’re still weak and fragile, you end up failing it. You failed every test and it became a snowball effect. Nothing good comes out of it afterwards. And probably that’s the thing that happened to me. I was so devastated and angry with life that I can’t manage to write wonderful words anymore. All I can think about was negativity and I felt like that was the end of me. It was a hard time. And every skill I acquired back then just vanished and escaped. That includes my capacity to write. To weave words and create an inspirational message out of it. I was lost. How can I write if I’m not in the zone? And so I stopped.

Then came a ray of sunlight again. Now I’m trying to rebuild everything that was lost. I’m trying to form a new me. Though still a bit lost and confused, I still need to survive this life and make the most out of it. Most of the time it still dawned on me how I was way back then. As I assess myself now, some traits never left. The character that I have learned through those years still remain that I don’t know if I should be happy or sad about it.

There are still hardships, of course. It’s just so vastly different. There were times that I’m still terrified of what might happen in the future but I’m just trying to erase it. I don’t want it to bother me at all. I don’t want it to be a hindrance of the life I’m slowly rebuilding. I don’t want it to have a negative effect on me.

I can say goodbye to the old me and say hello to a new life that lies ahead. It’s still full of uncertainty and I don’t know if I choose the right path. I want to know how it is to live in this kind of world. I want to know the flaws and beauty of it. I want to feel again.

And so I write. I write again. I wanna write again. To pour out these words. To flood this blog with happiness whenever a new episode of Kdrama comes out. To cry out words whenever I’m sad or worried. To bring out the fangirl inside of me. To share my ecstatic feeling whenever I see a different world that I used to know. To weave words again.

Maybe.. If I’ll write again. I can be healed. I can escape.

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