Wallow Wednesdays X

After a year

How do I even start? How do I even narrate a year of happenings in my life? I’ve been trying to control the whirlwind of emotions that is bound to happen inside my heart. I’ve been trying to tell my inner self that everything is alright, even though news and circumstances show otherwise. I’m in an inner battle. Funny how you triumph each war zone in your life only to realized there is a harder one that’s gonna come. I can now almost believe that Life might be a game, with a never ending levels, with lots of enemies to fight. The question is does it bother making through each level? Is there truly a great reward waiting for me at the end of it all?

How do I even begin? All I really want is to write all these emotions inside of me, which I always do. When the going gets rough, I release everything through constant typing of words and just releasing all this vibes outside my system.

Memories

Let me start by telling you a story. Once upon a time, there’s this heartless lady who believed that true love doesn’t exist, or loving someone includes heartaches and sacrifice, of compromising and understanding in which she promised won’t be her downfall. This lady believed that she doesn’t need anyone in her life. She’s used to being alone, and she will make it that way until she gets old. However, this lady has a secret. Deep within her, she wants to feel rainbows and butterflies. She wants someone who will make her feel important. She wants to meet someone who is brave enough to pursue her no matter how many times she rebuild the walls that others try to infiltrate.

Later on, she was in a place where the spirit of lust, longing and romance are everywhere. She knew she was in another battle. She tried her best not to let those spirits devour her principles nor be led by her emotions that will falsely made her feel beautiful and wanted. She stand strong, not letting anyone destroy the walls she constantly build throughout her life. Until someone came along..

It wasn’t even a decade, or a year, or a month. It only took a week for that spirit to crash all those walls she built. And it also took a week for that spirit to crash her heart hoping something more will happen, something more will escalate, that for once in her life, this might be worth the risk.

At first, she just wants to play along. Heck, she loved the feeling of someone making her feel special. But then a sudden news came that stopped her from diving into those foreign feelings. A news that is like warning her that if she proceeds, it’s like trampling on those principles she held all her life. And so she did what she knows best. She stopped. She backed off. SHE TRIED HER BEST TO STOP. But this sensations betrayed her. Little did she know, she was still in a trance.

Until fate did its job… She was taken away from that place. This wonderful nightmare needed to end. But what good does it did to her? She went back to her place still on a trance, still on a high, with the lingering hope that maybe there could be something more. Conscience and Selfishness started to argue but the former is still winning.

She was left alone, bringing her memories along with her, to the reality she was supposed to be in.

Present

Is it even possible to be attached in just a short period of time? I knew myself as a person who takes a while to give trust to someone. It takes time for me to feel comfortable being vulnerable to people. But with this one, I chose to trust and open my heart. I guess my discernment was wrong this time. I know soon time will do its work and one day I will wake up with no more lingering hope for something to happen. I know it’s gonna be sooner than I expected. For now, let me wallow on to these memories because this is all I have left with.

Isolation

With the global pandemic happening right now, I’m trying my best to stay as calm as possible. I don’t want to drown myself with anxiousness and uncertainty. But there are just those unguarded times where it creeps out. If I’m not thinking about the almost love, mind starts drifting to the possibility of the unknown. When is this all gonna end? Can I still go back to my former job? Is this the start of an apocalypse era? Why do I have to be living at this era? Just when I thought I’m starting my life that’s where a national crisis decides to slap your face saying “na-ah! you wish!”.

I am used to isolation. I can even stay in our house for three months without going outside. But this kind of isolation is different. Because in the former I CHOSE NOT TO go outside, with this one, I AM FORCED to stay inside for health purposes. And that’s a lot different.

After a Year

This is me after a year: still lost and uncertain, still in doubt and misery, still weak yet trying to be strong. Maybe I know the way out in this chess game of life I am in right now, I just choose to stay and be imprison by my misery.

Japanese Actor: Kimura Takuya

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Japanese Drama: Long Vacation

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Korean Drama: Just Between Lovers

It’s 23:21 on my clock and I just recently finished this drama “Just Between Lovers”. To be honest, I don’t know why I decided to binge-watch this drama. All I know is that I want to watch a completed K-drama while waiting for Misty and Radio Romance’ new episodes to come out.

I already have a list of dramas to marathon in my mind and Just Between Lovers is not a part of it. However, I saw it was on the list of completed episodes and I started it without any hesitation (usually I would look up some reviews before I watch it.) Maybe it’s because I don’t have high expectations at all that I just found myself craving for the next episodes.

Some episodes are painful to watch that sometimes I ask myself, should I continue watching this? But I stayed. It’s because Ha Moon Soo and Lee Gang Doo’s story was hard to miss. There’s something about their characters, whether as individuals or a pair, that makes you wanna watch as how they deal with the greatest struggle of their life.

Forgive me as this entry might be very incohesive for I don’t really know what to say. All I know is that I’m feeling all sorts of emotions as soon as I reached the last scene of the last episode. I’ve cried bucket of tears for all the characters, for their hardships and milestones, for finding a reason to live after all the bullshits Life threw at them. I am not writing a review for this drama, I just want to let it all out. All characters are plain and simple human beings trying to survive in this world. I can’t think of any antagonists in this drama ‘coz everyone is hurting no matter how illogical or bad their intentions are.

I’ve learned through this drama to love my life and appreciate even the little moments because we’re only given one life. It doesn’t matter if we reached the highest ladder of success, what matters most is that we don’t forget what it really means to be a human – to love, to endure, to sacrifice, to live. The core of this drama is not just being in love with someone or how to forget the pain of the past. It’s about healing and loving and taking care of the people and things that matter the most.

I don’t know where this words will be headed to and I don’t want to talk about my favorite scenes or some plot holes. I just want to remember the feeling while watching it. It makes me have hope that true and authentic love is still attainable no matter how fucked up this world is right now. I want to remember the love between a child, a mother and a father, the love of some stranger you’ve met and becomes a family you want to protect, the love that is patient and kind, that will sacrifice everything for the sake of the other.

Humanity. Where does humanity takes us? Can we still consider ourselves loving to one another? Can we just wipe away all the sorrows with genuine love? How wonderful the world is if we just love one another.

Love. The main focus of this drama is love. Again, it has a formula of a cliche drama but the execution, the actors, the directors, they breath life to this drama. I hope they were able to get a lesson out of this that they’ll bring to their future productions.

Let me wallow this whirlwind of emotions for a while.

Spoiler ahead:

It’s a happy ending but the emotions this show gave me still lingers. The pain and the heartache still resonates. Wow, what an impact it gave me.

Watched this drama and brace yourselves and I hope that you’ll be able to reflect about the reality of life after watching Just Between Lovers.

NOTE:

Not edited and I hope I will be able to write a cohesive one tomorrow that I can post in Instagram. This underrated drama deserves more popularity.

 

Japanese Drama: Rich Man, Poor Woman

Love. Friendship. Trust. Betrayal. Next Innovation.

I don’t even know if I can coherently express the love that I felt for this drama. I’ve been too occupied and bombarded myself with so many K-dramas that I feel like I just need to take a short break. I’ve thought of re-watching Hana Yori Dango but my mind is craving for something new and fresh (I still love HYD, no doubt about it). And so “Rich Man, Poor Woman” came into the picture.

I actually have a thing for personal growth in every drama that I watched. It feels more sincere whenever a character is facing a tough problem first before he/she blossomed into a much a better person. This Jdorama gave me that and it was better than I expected. What a good “welcome-back” Jdorama it is for me.

The first few episodes was hard for me to watch. Then the plot went full circle and I just found myself in it for a roller-coaster ride. I love the romance. I love the friendship. I love how everything went downhill with the characters. I love the redemption of the characters. I.LOVE.THIS.SHOW.

(By this time I’m having a hard time formulating words so just bear with me)

Romance

Okay… The first thing I thought of is that, why does Asahina (girl) have a freaking two kiss scenes with Hyuga while with Natsui, I have to wait for 10 episodes for it to happen!! Hahaha! But then kidding aside, I love the built-up of relationship between our two leads. I love their rapports. They weren’t physically attracted with each other. They saw each other flaws first before seeing the beauty inside them. I think that was a good foundation of a relationship. I love how they supported each other, even in the lowest points of their lives. There was this saying that “behind a successful man is a woman who believes and supports him in each phase of his life.” That’s what Natsui did with Hyuga. She believes in him. And in return, Hyuga slowly learn to see life in a different perspective. She managed to let Hyuga out of the zone that he knows and show him that there is a different world aside from what he knows. I love how each episode gradually shows the growth of one another through the cheer and love they receive from each other.  Hyuga learns a lot and the change really showed especially in the last two episodes. I just love these two. There are minimal kiss scenes and skinship but what makes this couple lovable is the deeper understanding they had with each other’s personality. She became his strength and constant reminder that everyone may abandon you but there will always be one person who will believe and trust you. There will be one person to accept your weakness and help you arise in the downfall.

I also love the growth in Natsui. She has become a woman who is willing to stand on her own. She doesn’t want to stay like that and has a desire to grow as a person. Hyuga taught her to dream big, to make a difference and to be a world-changer.

These two is just a perfect match!! I love their dynamics and their sizzling chemistry. They don’t even have that much skinship! What more if they have, then that is just WOW!

Asahina Kosuke

I don’t want this post to be lengthy but I just want to talk about this character. Among the four, I sympathize him the most. I love these type of characters. The kind who has a potential to be something great but then choose to be the bad one because they’ve been eaten up by their desire to be the best. They’ve been eaten up by insecurity, jealousy, self-pity to the point wherein they’ll do worst just so they can prove themselves. Only they chose to prove it in a wrong way. (I always think of Anakin Skywalker as an example to this kind of character).

Going back, Asahina is a good friend. His dynamic with Hyuga led them to make Next Innovation a top company. It’s because of the TWO of them why they managed to be successful. But then he thought he was being overshadowed by Hyuga (because of the people who keep on praising Hyuga and comparing them with each other), and so he was manipulated by his emotions. He wants Hyuga to fall just so he can rise on top. He doesn’t realize that it’s not just Hyuga who made the company successful. It was their joint effort. He was a part of it. So I just feel so sad especially in the latter episodes because it’s not just Hyuga who fail; he, himself, crumbles. When he let that evil desire entered his mind and put it into action, he was doom to crumble.

I seriously don’t want to have his redemption. Hyuga has a soft heart for forgiving him that fast! I thought that he can forgive him but never trust him again. However, that’s the beauty of forgiveness. The moment you forgive, you restore what was lost. It automatically heals what was wounded. It was a good thing to see him back on track at the end. And hope that he learns from this big mistake. At the end, I’m happy he got himself back and continue life. We make mistake and fail, but with that, we grow up as a better person. No matter how many times we fail, we get back on our feet and continue what must be done.

It’s the same with Hyuga. Let’s admit it he doesn’t have the best attitude, right? Maybe part of the reason is he got his success so fast that he thinks everything is simple. He doesn’t treat his employees and even the board of directors with respect. He thought highly about himself. His downfall made him a better person as well.

They were pressed and crushed but the extract was beautiful. It was fragrant. It brought out the best in them. And that’s what I dearly love about this drama. It’s not just a story about a man and a woman falling in love with each other. It’s a story of friendship, of dreams, of life. In life, we have to be crushed first in order for us to understand different facets of what we want to achieve. We have to get out of our comfort zone and experience pain. Only in pain we will realize that there are beautiful and wonderful things happen. Only in pain we will find out who will stay and remain. Only in pain we will realize that we are not perfect but we can change.

I love this drama for the message it gave me. This is just my interpretation but the way I interpret is very personal. It was a story about each person’s lives. It’s a story of our everyday lives. Romance is a plus point. There were forgivable and irrational scenes but my overall watching experience is sufficient to love this show.

Now, the post-withdrawal syndrome will heavily starts now.

(Not proofread and edited, sorry for the grammar lapses)